StandardsGirl.com – Views From Within

NOTE: Today I am writing not only as a person who creates websites and works with social media, but as a Sociologist and through that lens, I see some patterns that concern me and am expressing them here.

I have been running so many thoughts through my mind since returning from SESNY. What to write about? I have been almost paralyzed in the depth and breadth of topic choices. Mostly because it seems that with the plethora of bloggers now, my voice would have been merely a repeat of everything out there. Unfortunately, or maybe selfishly, part of me feels that if I am going to take time to write a blog, I don’t want to just repeat what others have written, so what to write about? Then last week it hit me. The sudden evangelism surrounding all things social media. The idea that all is good and those who critique are somehow out of touch, or out of date. While some are, something struck me while reading my Facebook status posts and twitter tweets is social media truly social or does it just provide an illusion of connectedness? While it has many positives, what are its negatives?

Ok so before I get attacked for being a Luddite or novice, please know I have a Facebook, MySpace and Twitter account. I use TweetDeck and get updates to my phone when someone of interest tweets, well something I am interested in. I understand the appeal for users and for marketers and for certain   am a strong advocate of its uses. At SESNY the ability to go to search.twitter.com and look for all tweets with #SESNY grouping was invaluable and provided a place to connect with others there. So before you tell me I just don’t get it, trust me I do.

However, as our social lives move more and more to the computer and real time updates, I have to wonder – Are we more or less connected now, than before? Is all this instantaneous communication in cyberspace creating real and human connections between people or just the illusion of connectedness? Unfortunately, I believe we are less connected, it is just the appearance of connectedness that we are experiencing, not real true human connection. Now if I have not lost you, I will explain why and the one caveat I find to this thought.

Illusion of Connectedness

When the internet was young, and well even until just a couple of years ago, people’s interactions on the web were often anonymized or private, such as forums or IM’s.

You could chat on IM or go to a forum and talk about your inner most thoughts, your deepest feelings and your private world. You could share these with someone else who shared your love of nature, games, science, religion or whatever forum caught your fancy. These exchanges were often fraught with “flames” and “trolls” and all the things that are part of our typical human experience. The true sharing of emotion, thought and feeling were the life of the group or the forum and what made the people inside that social space feel connected to each other. Feelings and thoughts and emotions they may not have felt comfortable to share in other spaces in their lives. However, I feel this is not the case with social media. People do not share deep thoughts and true feelings and even if they could, on Twitter this is simply not possible in 140 characters, even the simplest of experiences requires a paragraph. So what is social media?

To me, social media is news, information, posts about who, what, where, when not much of the why. In 140 characters, we cannot possibly share that which makes up who we are as a person. Twitter might give us glimpses and shadows of the person, but it is not a deep understanding or knowledge of each other. In the end, it is newspapers for individuals. It is a place to let the world know we are here, we have a voice, we want to connect. However in my eyes, it is not real connectedness.

Don’t get me wrong, the ability to reach out to others you normally would never meet. The ability to let people know we are here, to share our voice, I believe these are all very good and important things and one we have yet to understand the implications of with regards to the world and the human experience. Imagine if there had been Twitter and iPhones during WWII or if everyone had Facebook and a phone cam during Tiananmen Square. Yet, I still maintain this is an illusion of connectedness. We are in contact, but I cannot say I feel it is a true connection.

I am sure some are saying, well I am very close with my Twitter friends and I will not argue that point. While two people who met on Twitter may find that they wish to meet the other in real time, say at a tweet-up. And while this could result in a long and enduring friendship, outside the world of social media, the true connection is created offline. Without the offline or even online technologies such as email or IM, where we are private and able to truly share, I believe social media is just an illusion. It is great for the surface, but the depth is created elsewhere.

However, please do not misunderstand, I am not denying that social media plays a part in the social world of our offline spaces. However, if your whole social world becomes that of the computer, social media, Twitter, Myspace and Facebook where is the depth? Where are the layers? Human relationships are complex, to paraphrase Shrek, we are like onions and each layer must be peeled away. Sadly, I just do think it is just not possible to get to the layers in 140 characters or a Facebook status update. So while I believe social media is a tool for interaction, it is not a tool for connectedness. Now that being said, I do believe there is an exception to this illusion of connectedness and that is the exception of proximity.

What is the Exception of Proximity?

The exception of proximity is one that is based on an existing offline relationship, its depth and the physical distance between you and the other person. So what does this mean? I believe that while most social media is just news and information, if you have a prior connected relationship with a person, but they now live a distance away, that social media CAN enhance and increase the depth of that relationship.In this case, social media can create a deeper connection with a person you care about.

By being a part of that person’s everyday, we can hear about the events we might miss in a weekly email or monthly phone call. If the person lives a distance from us, then social media can be the glue that holds that relationship together, it can enhance, it can deepen and it can make us feel as though we are still a part of that person’s life. Even though I do not change my original idea that social media is news, in the case of an existing connection, I believe news can make us feel closer to one another. It is then as though we are sharing our lives again. The distance of time and space close and social media creates an illusion of shared experience, but that illusion contributes to true depth.

So what is Social Media?

Social Media is not connection, it is contact. Contact with others, a place to share our voice, a place to be heard, but it is not connectedness. I almost rarely see someone share an intimate idea of moment. I would not expect them to as it would mean that they are putting themselves out there to be judged by millions of strangers and most people are not typically in the position personally or professionally or even mentally to suffer the critique of many. So while in forums and IM’s and emails and phone calls, we share who we are with the people we meet, my belief is in social media we share the news of our lives. Maybe some real thoughts and ideas make their way through, but unlike something like Post Secret, our news is superficial. I made eggs for breakfast, I ate at this restaurant, saw that movie, here is the newest news on (insert your industry here). I do not see I feel sad, I am lonely, I hurt, I am joyful about (insert moment here). It is the who, the what, the where, but rarely the why.

In Closing

Ask yourself, how many of your friends you used to email, you used to IM, you used to call you do not anymore. By silently reading and quickly posting on their statuses or Twitters you can feel a connection, but the connection is not a truly interactive one, like an all day hang out with your real world friends at the local coffee shop or a dinner between two people that goes hours too long, just because we are so enjoying the depth of the other. While I believe social media has its place in the democratization of the world, the voice of the unvoiced, it is also feeds the dark places of narcissism and self-involvement and can become a catalyst that removes the connectedness we once created pre-social. So in some ways, while I see and have experienced the potential beauty in social media, I see the dark side too, but too rarely do I see someone in our industry speak about it and so believe some caution is in order.

Thank you for listening!